Coaching, mentoring and consulting/advising are all quite different. Many of my clients ask me to coach them, however what they really need is a trusted advisor. And other times, they ask for a mentor but what they really need is a coach.
Coaching in the workplace is yet another skill that leaders find themselves needing to learn and master to foster more trust and understanding with their teams. However, many have not learnt the skills required to coach effectively and default to a more telling or advising approach.
In simplistic terms, A coach guides, helps to put a few more options on the table and is great at asking relevant questions, a mentor has usually ‘been there and done that’ and can share from experience and a consultant/advisor, gives sound advice from a foundation of solid expertise in that area. And many experienced professionals are good at all 3 but are acutely aware of which hat they are wearing at any given time.
The one element all 3 modalities have in common is they require the person they are working with to practice the art and skill of ‘holding space’.
‘Holding space’ is a concept that refers to the act of being fully present and providing support for someone in a nonjudgmental and compassionate way. It involves creating a safe and accepting environment for individuals to express and share their thoughts, emotions, and experiences without fear of criticism or rejection.
When you hold space for someone you put aside any distractions or personal biases.
You allow the individual (or your team) to feel heard, validated, and understood, fostering a sense of trust, safety and emotional connection.
When you hold space for someone, you create an environment where they can explore their thoughts and feelings, gain clarity, and find their own path forward.
You don’t have to be a leader or a coach/mentor/advisor to do this either. You can practice the art and skill of ‘holding space’ with your partner, your friends, your children, and your work colleagues.
A few tips to help you ‘hold space’
- Put your ego aside – this is not about you
- Be open-minded and accepting – the person may have different values and opinions
- Demonstrate active listening – listen deeply and validate words and feelings
- Respect their boundaries – they choose how much to share
- Respect silence – be comfortable with silence to allow them to process their thoughts and feelings
- Empower them – explore options but empower them to make their own decisions
- Build and keep trust – Be discrete and practice confidentiality
While holding space can be extremely helpful in many situations, it’s important to recognize when professional help is necessary. Certain circumstances, such as mental health issues, trauma, or crises, may require the expertise of a trained and qualified professional. Encourage individuals to seek professional support if their needs extend beyond what you can provide. However, in most cases, even the most complex problems can be solved if we work efficiently, respectfully and compassionately with each other.
Most of my clients do not attend my coaching sessions, master classes and master mind programmes to just get ‘more information’, they can get that from my books, blogs or a great google search, but a key reason they seek help or ask me to work with their teams is they need to not only learn, but to also feel supported and safe in their growth and learning journey. They are craving space, and someone to hold that space for them so they can have that time out to think, process, learn and grow.
How are you holding space for the people in your organisation or life?
