How to influence others, get what you want and maintain the relationship
I have noticed a huge increase this year with clients asking for sessions on Influential Communication. And it’s not surprising with so much unwelcomed noise, uncertainty and fake news everywhere we look, both business owners and executives are finding it increasingly difficult to build trust, get their message across and/or influence those around them.
Learning and mastering influential, effective and leadership communication skills are now ‘must have’ skills in this untrusting environment we now find ourselves living and working in.
There are several factors that influence decision making: your past experiences (with the topic and the individual), cognitive biases, individual differences and a belief in personal or professional relevance.
Therefore, influential communication is an imperfect science, there are still many invisible variables that we are sometimes unaware of when trying to influence others. However, thanks to current applied neuroscience research, we now know more about how our brain responds to external factors and language. Yes, we really can learn how to use more effective methods and language when trying to influence those around us.
There are many strategies that you can use to influence those around you and still maintain positive and healthy relationships along the way.
Today I’ll share 3.
1. Intention
2. Language
3. Choice
Intention
Before trying to influence anyone, build trust and connection. If you want to build trust and connection start with communicating your intent. When others know you have the right intention to help, support or guide them, it is much easier to influence them.
Start by listening deeply.
Apart from communicating your intent other factors include integrity and consistency. Leaders who fail to demonstrate these things will struggle to thrive as a leader.
Language
Stop telling and start sharing. Nobody wants to be told what to do but when you share your experience, it can be viewed as a gift of passing down wisdom.
Adjust your language to use more of share and not tell, you and not I, and use the word ‘because’ to emphasise the why.
Researcher Gregory Ciotti suggests that the most powerful words in the English language are: You, Because, Free, Instantly and New. Other words from a range of studies include easy, guaranteed, proven, results. Do you see any patterns? Words to help us make sense of a request and words that make us feel safe help to influence us when making a decision.
And another tip when trying to influence others – stop talking!
The human brain can hold on to around four things at any one time, so if you keep talking for several minutes trying to influence or argue your point, you are wasting your time, the person will only be able to process and remember a very small part of it. So, keep to one point at a time and check in to ensure understanding.
Choice
We do like to have choice, in fact in these times it is not something that we value but something that we have come to expect.
You want your teenager to empty the dishwasher? Rather than telling them to empty the dishwasher. Try: would you like to empty the dishwasher before or after your homework?
Having choices makes us feel more in control and powerful. Give someone choice but be aware; excessive choices can actually have a negative effect as it can be cognitively exhausting leading to confusion and/or decision fatigue.
Bonus tip:
Vision trumps all other senses so make your pitch or attempt to influence come alive with pictures, real items and even words written down in front of them. This will help people to see your ideas.
There are so many more things I could talk about when it comes to influential communication, but brevity is also key if I want to influence you to give it a try.
Let me know how you get on.
